Yes, I Am The Boss of You

For the time that you are incapacitated, unable to defend yourself, vulnerable, and physically incapacitated, I am your protector. As are all the nurses you deal with. One of the first roles that we are indoctrinated into is 'patient advocate'. Your time without consciousness is one of the most important times of your life; your nurse is there to maintain your airway, protect your privacy, and assure your gentle emergence without injury.

Not exactly the 'doctor's hand maiden', is s/he?

Scheduling Wars

I was hired years ago at the hospital as an 'evening' per diem. Meaning, I let the scheduler know my availability, I am schedule me the days I am needed, not necessarily all of the days I list. In my initial interview, the nurse manager assured me, in response to my concerns, that almost never would I be required to work later that 1930 (seven thirty p.m. for you non-military time types). I was open about my late evening fatigue and distractedness, a by product of injured muscles and Fibromyalgia.

For the years since my hiring, I am home by 1830, often by 1630 or 1730. Suddenly, after a few nurses took maternity leave or, in one case a leave of absence, in another outright resignation, the per diems have been tapped to fill the gaps. Two of us are suddenly scheduled for late starts (afternoons) and late endings (2200, often). Evenings? Suddenly, that is looking a lot like nights. And, I can tell you, my 50+ year old body doesn't like it. In my younger days, I tried late shifts several times, and never could hack them. Well, that ain't gonna change now.

Additionally, from four day weeks, I have some five day weeks scheduled, against my wishes.

Okay, what to do? I have to look out for myself and my health. So, for the first time, I have become a 'circle the wagons' employee. Use me once, shame on you. Use me again, shame on me. So, I simply put down fewer available days. I would be willing to come in more, but not when I work for a unit that can rearrange my days by six or seven hours without speaking to me or regarding the schedule I have come to expect, based on a precedence of years.

I hate that I have to think like this; to find a way to protect myself, to resort to checks and balances, to end games and punishment. But, as an older and wiser person, I accept that it is what it is, and will look out for me and mine. Another team player goes down in disillusionment...

A Letter to My Friend Who Is In Pain

Dear Sweet Friend,

Thank you for asking me for advice. I will offer my thoughts, and remember, I am looking in from outside, and can't know all the issues, let alone any of the solutions.

In eastern philosophy, there is a saying, 'When the learner is ready, the teacher will appear'. I thought and thought about that saying. It does not mean that God determines our readiness and poof! provides a teacher. The teacher may have been there all along, sleeping in the same bed with us or working in the cubby next door, but we don't listen and learn until our mind, heart and life is prepared. Another, more direct Western, way of saying this is 'When the soil is ready, the seed will sprout'.

You have been placed in this man's path twice in ten years. Neither time, for very different reasons, was THE time. Because you are the more sensitive, dreaming, hopeful and open one, you get hurt. You are the little seed that tries and tries to push into the hard dry barren soil without success. I am sorry for you. But, even if allowed to sprout this time in his life, it would turn out poorly, and you would grow to become weak and stunted. He is barren and non-nourishing right now.

Cut your losses. Gently but firmly close the door NOW. He will respect you more for not dithering or begging or flaring. State your case clearly and lovingly, saying that you have expectations of the man who will become your partner and he is unable to meet those at this time. You have given, you have a right to expect to be given back to, without score keeping or dramatic reluctance. You are a catch. You aren't perfect, but you also don't expect your ultimate partner to be.

Wish him luck and blow him a kiss as your helicopter lifts off, taking you to another adventure. He will feel the loss, and, more importantly, you will be providing him with what could be a life altering lesson, if he is ready. If not, know that you are doing what is best for you.

Good luck. I love you.