Servicing Our Loved Ones: I Am a Giver

How do you service your loved ones?

I am listing some of the things I do:

food (immediate cooking and preserving for later use)

laundry

transport

companionship

massage

editing

advocacy

laundry

interpreting

medical advice

listening

support

money

advice

sympathy

presence

touch

wisdom

acceptance

training

The list could go on and on, but these are the most common. Do they appreciate it? Sometimes. Do they get the extent of the effort? No.

I am sure that the full impact or realization will only happen when they give in this way to others. For some of the adults, this probably will never happen. I can only hope for a whiff of appreciation. For the kids and young adults, I can only hope that life provides them an opportunity to give and to learn to service relationships. It is a gift to others, a delicate balance between making others happy and still preserving the self, and one's own happiness.

I am the adult child of a chaotic, violent, alcoholic household, and my tendency is to give and give and give. Until I am exhausted, resentful, hurt and confused. Don't go to that point. That is my advice.

Give for your own reasons. For love, for calm, for relief from pain in another, for deepening a relationship. Never for validation or to gain approval. Therein lies the trap of subservience and resentment.