A year ago April, my little dog Caliente died in my arms after a long illness and heroic efforts to save her. She was a sweet, kind, silly and devoted little bit of life force that touched my heart and my person daily for over ten years. Losing her left a void in my heart, and by my side in my chair.
I think I am now ready. No, not to have another dog, but to change my introductory description of this blog. I have not been able to delete 'an old Chihuahua'. Today, I will.
I poured out my pain on this blog as she progressed in her illness, and I wrestled with my decisions and tried to decide how much help is too much, how much medicine is futile, how I could bear to make the ultimate decision for her. It seems appropriate that I address the pain of deleting yet another reminder of her mark on my life.
I have given away the doggy beds, the electric warming pads, the toys, collars and laser pointers she loved so much, except for a few raggedy toys she shared with her sister, Gordita, and her foster mother, Lacey the Beagle, both of whom predeceased her in the two years prior. I was moved to tears when I found her pirate shirt last weekend in my Wii bowling bag that matched mine. I have washed the blankets she slept on in her warm little crate. She has slowly been leeching out of the topsoil of our daily lives.
And, I have noticed, fought, acknowledged, and finally accepted the fading. Today, another.
I won't let her be gone, nor will my family. She is here, along with the others that made our pathetic humanness more bearable, more fun, more joy-filled. Just, now, not in the blog description.
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