Battle cry of the Little Red Hen, Goodie Two-Shoes and Miss Congeniality

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I Wanna Go Too Far

by Trisha Yearwood

'Everything in moderation', that's the way it's always been

Never gettin' out of control - never hanging it out

Always reelin' it in.

I saved my money for a rainy day

But now I've had enough of playin' it safe

I wanna go too far, I wanna go too fast

Somebody draw the line so I can blow right past

I wanna spend too much, I wanna stay too late

I'm gonna roar too loud, I'm gonna be that way

I wanna play too hard, I wanna go too far

I'm the one they all depend on

Sensible, predictable, and strong

But every now and then,

I feel like I've played that role too long

I need to rock the boat, I need to speak my mind

Just this once let it all unwind

I've gotta set this spirit free

That's hiding here inside

I feel like a bird in a cage

It's time for me to fly

I am with ya, Trish. Some days, I solve so many problems for other people that I feel like a calculator. Or I listen to unending problems with no solutions, or none that the speaker wants to incorporate.

La Leche League, the breast feeding advocacy and education group, calls a phenomenon of a mom's life with toddlers and babies on her constantly being 'touched out'. Your body becomes overloaded with the physical pressure, heat, and intimacy of clinging children. I think there is such a thing as becoming emotionally touched out.

When those around you are troubled or stressed or angry, and call or come by to talk/seek help/dump, it takes a toll. When lots of people do so, and some on a regular basis, it becomes crippling for me. I feel immobilized in my inability to cope or help them or stop them. I want to escape.

I want to go too far, away from this place.

Vacation Smorgasbord

I am embarking on my first ever two week vacation by and for myself. I took two weeks off from the hospital, and I am leaving at the end of the week. I won't be blogging much during that time. I hope to be away from anything Internet-ish.

I have checked out the options, and decided I will go do what feels right for each day. I will spend time in the mountains, fish, hike, and tan. I will attend a Shakespearean Festival and take in some plays. I will look at real estate in a beautiful mountain town we are thinking of moving. I will take photographs, see my kids if it works out, eat good food, watch some movies, read a book, and...who knows?

Its like a good-times buffet, or Smorgasbord. That seems preferable to me than trying to plan anything structured. I need choice and lack of obligation and schedule, what my life has been about for years now, usually someone else's obligations and schedule. Bring on the ambivalence and indecision!