Five years and counting

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My mother-in-law is eighty nine.  She began a 'five year plan' last year.  By that, I mean that she began to define her remaining life expectancy as five years or thereabout.  It seems strange to hear someone cheerfully discuss their own life's end in such a matter-of-fact way.  But, ever the nurse and accepting listener, I encouraged her to share openly.

There is a reason for my doing so, even though it can be uncomfortable and sad.  When my mom was sixty-two and began to discuss her own death, the disposition of her belongings, her last wishes, etc., I shut her down. My own fear could not allow her to share her last wishes at what turned out to be a critical time in her life; her last months on earth.  I vowed never to be that selfish and self centered again.  

How could I deny a person the opportunity to discuss their own death because of the discomfort I felt?  Obviously, I still feel some guilt about this.  I can only be a better listener for my mother-in-law.

I asked her how it felt to be discussing her impending death.  She shrugged and said, 'Well, it makes you realize that you better not put things off.  If you want to do something, do it while you're well enough and have the time.'  We then progressed to laughing about how much loot I get to end up with.

Having lived through both, I can tell you that it is better this way.  It is a gift of love for one to overcome one's own fear and anticipatory grief in order to allow a loved one to discuss not just life, but death.