Shared grief

(Winnie rests his chin on my foot. He is not to be ignored. He knows if I am sad...)

Today, I disassembled the memorial to my little girl doggie friend, Caliente. The 'shrine' had previously been moved from the downstairs family room (where her little bed had always been) to the side of my bed upstairs. Filled with her toys, her warm winter sweaters, the sympathy cards from her vet and her many family loved ones, it was a last sweet reminder of a decade filled with love, laughter, tenderness, and goofy behavior.

When I moved it upstairs, five months ago, it upset Winston the Wonder Dog, my granddog. He repeatedly brought her toys back downstairs to their previous spot, where Cali had kept them. Faced with a closed door, he eventually gave up his efforts to put Cali's space back to her liking. Today, I upset his (and my) world. I disassembled her shrine.

'Okay', he must have thought, 'time to my renew efforts to put things right.' He pushed my hands aside, pawed through her toys and sweaters, and began to carry everything back to their original spot that I had changed over five months ago. He even went way outside normal character and climbed up onto the dining room table (!), where her favorite toys had been placed recently, her two alligators, Lally Gator and the Big Green Thing. Winston took them firmly in mouth and returned them to Cali's corner.

Well, I just broke down. And that damn Pug jumped up and licked my tears. I couldn't even push him off my lap. He was relentless in his comfort and his commiseration. No escape. So, I gave myself over to our mutual grief and we just cried. And missed our friend and loved one, Caliente.

I don't know when the time is right to move on. After the loss of both parents, I only know that it always hurts. And, you know, right now, it hurts. It hurts me, and it hurts the the Wonder Dog. For that, I am so sorry.

Tonight, it was with tears and gratitude that I bid him good night. I hope he gets as much from our relationship as he has given me. What must his life be like, to look at this big blonde gramma who cries so easily, and feel the urge and responsibility to comfort her? Wherever my sweet Cali is, I know she must be as grateful as I to see his careful ministrations to my broken heart.

Sleep well, little hero, silly little Winnie the Wonder Dog.