I just left Cali at the vet school hospital, undergoing emergency surgery. We will know in two hours if she made it or not. Without, she would have lived only four more days unless the gallbladder ruptured. In that case, she would have lived eighteen to twenty-four hours.
If the surgery is straight forward and she only required a stent placed at the common bile duct to allow bile to drain from the biliary tree and the gallbladder into the duodenum, she has agreater than 85% chance of survival. If it is complicated, and the gallbladder has to come out, she has no more than an 85% chance of survival, still good odds. But if her surrounding structures are so compromised by inflammation and her drain system has to be reconstructed, she has about a 15% chance of surviving to lead a compromised, weak little shortened life. It is the latter condition under which I gave permission to let her go, that is, to euthanize her.
I have cried all the way home, consumed with self doubt and selfishness, wanting to call the surgeon and say "Save her no matter what!" But, I can't do that to her. It would be for me, not for her.
I did ask the surgeon to make sure my doggie was held while she died, if she cannot be saved. She assured me she would take off mask and gloves and personally hold, kiss and talk to her. She says she does that for all the animals that she must allow to pass on. We discovered that we both believe that there are all types of medicine; touch, talk, music, stillness, prayer. I think she will be a fine stand-in for one of us if Cali has to leave. But I hope and pray that she will come home with me tomorrow or the next day.
The bill will be from $2500 to $5000, in addition to the $1300 already spent on diagnostics and medicine. How do you put a value on love? I don't know the answer to that. I am just following my heart and what I believe is fair for Cali.
I will know in a couple hours. I'll post again then.
No comments:
Post a Comment