Thursday, March 26, 2009

I Don't Like Shit As Much As I Should, Probably

I don't much like shit, and I mean I really don't like it.  Most people don't, I realize, but I really don't like it.  I live with it, from my dog, other people's dogs, my chickens, nutria, opposums, Canada geese, and mice.  I work with it, from my patients.  I measure, test, dump and clean it off asses.  I record the color, quantity and consistency.  But I. Don't. Like. It.

I wash it off the mud room floor when boots come in.  I hose it off of boots and shoes.  I pressure wash it off of decks and sidewalks.  I shovel it out of chicken coops.  I clean it off vehicle floor boards.   I scrub it out of toilets.  I pick it up and take it out of the yard.  I empty it out of the cat litter box.

I spend a lot of time with shit, just keeping the environment from becoming overtaken by shit. And smelling and looking like shit.

I spent many years changing diapers, the old fashioned way, flushing the shit down the toilet, rinsing the diaper out in the toilet, soaking it in bleach water, washing it in the washer with bleach, double rinsing, drying, folding and repeating over and over and over.  For several years, I had two kids in diapers at a time for months.  Shit is important to parenting.  Not enough, too much, too hard or soft, weird color, strange smell, all cause for concern.  

I've even read the book, Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi.  But, I still can not become cavalier in my relationship with shit.  It offends me a little every time I encounter it.  And, God forbid I smell it before I have prepared my professional survival breathing mode.  I'll gag instantly and copiously.  My stomach actually feels as if it violently spasms.  Not something one wishes to witness in one's nurse.

I arrived at work the other day in the wake of a massive emergency Code Brown (brown for--you guessed it!).  The patient had had spinal anesthesia and one of the drawbacks can be, rarely, loss of anal sphincter control. Well, this guy experienced just that.  The entire unit smelled for an hour, and it is a huge unit.  Good morning; have a good breakfast, didja?  Want to see it again?  

Well, you get my point.  I'd write more, but as they say, 'nature' calls.  In this case, the hospital just called; they want me to come in early.  Oh, goody.  Breakfast rewind.



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